Important Advice for Newlywed Couples

Voices of Experience on The Wedding

Newlyweds
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Generally, the first couple years of marriage are the hardest for most couples. Don't assume because you are deeply in love that your problems will just go away! Here's advice on having a wedding, being together and communicating from those who walked down the aisle years ago.

THE WEDDING

  • If any part of your ceremony or reception is planned for outside, just be sure you have rain contingency plans and then forget about it. As long as you have a plan in place you are covered and while it may not be the look you wanted from the outside, it will be lovely anyway.

    By the way, any major problems that come up will mostly be in the last 1-2 weeks. Until then, I had fairly smooth sailing then all hell broke loose. So just make plans and don't stress too much until the end since that is when the real stress causers will pop up.

     

  • Ok, you have to give up on this perfect wedding stuff. How will you enjoy the wedding if you're so exhausted by finding all the "perfect" stuff that you can't see straight?

    No matter what you do, the day won't be perfect. Just accept it. In reality, tho, it WILL be perfect because you're marrying the man you love. That's what's important.

     

  • The whole thing is about family, friends, celebration, you and your fiance, enjoying the people around you, being with friends and family.

    You are SO going to regret it for the rest of your life if you stress yourseff out about all the details, and don't actually relax and enjoy the day itself, including the days beforehand.

Read 3 Social Mistakes Newlyweds Make and What Engaged Couples Should Talk About

BEING TOGETHER

  • Don't believe what anyone tells you about what to expect about marriage, or about being a husband or a wife. Be your own true self, and allow your spouse to do the same. Then love each other's true self, not your image of each other. Nancy

     

  • Life will get stressful. It always does. Commit to making time to do pleasurable things together. Think of each pleasant experience as a deposit in a bank, which you can draw on during stressful times. Also remember that as you become used to one another, you will both enjoy occasional time alone. This is normal. Jane

     

  • Never be afraid to love too much.. After all, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

    You may be one "couple", but you are still two "individuals". Allow each other the freedom to be who you truly are.

    Actions truly do speak louder than words; Don't just tell your partner of your love, show it!

    Honesty, always.. but, not as a weapon or to cause excessive hurt.

    Be open.. to compromise, to suggestions, to experiencing new things. A marriage must evolve to survive.

    Never seek marital counsel from someone who you know dislikes your spouse. Any advice they contribute will only be self-serving.

    We are all human, fallible. Show a pattern of understanding and compassion within your marriage, so that if necessary, your spouse will be more likely to confess any wrongdoings.

    And, above all else, never threaten divorce as a way to control or manipulate your spouse into "giving in". Divorce, even the idea of it, should be a last resort. Bren

     

  • Don't do "what if's", they are counter productive. Learn from mistakes and move ahead. Trying to determine what might have happened IF you had only....accomplishes nothing. You are who you are because of the decisions you made in the past. That someone is the person your spouse fell in love with. Whenever you are sad, hurt or angry it's time to apply the 10 year rule. Will this still matter in 10 years? If it will (moral, legal, etc), then deal with it. If not (dress mode, choice of tv show, music/sports, etc.), then let it drop. Life is truly too short. NOTE: This works equally well for family, friends and co-workers. Donna Yeaw

     

  • At least once a week, use the fine china and crystal (don't just leave those things sitting in the cabinet unused!) - even if you are only having pizza. Have a candlelit dinner. Turn off the phone and the television. Don't plan it though, surprise your spouse. It makes a nice, romantic surprise - and it makes each other feel special. The key here is to do something that makes the other feel special, and to be spontaneous and romantic. TurnipGreen

Read: Ways to Keep the Spark Alive and Secrets to Divorce-Proofing Your Marriage

COMMUNICATION

  • Respect one another. Marseeya

     

  • Talk about everything. Never go to bed without kissing each other goodnight. Be able to compromise.

    Be able to put your spouse first in your life, before your parents, your children, your friends, your boss and coworkers. If you can't, should you really be married?

    Express your deepest fears and wildest dreams-- and if you can't, either because you can't trust your spouse or would be embarassed, should you really be married to him/her?

    Most importantly, remember how anger is like orange juice... When you squeeze an orange, juice comes out. Why? Because it was inside the orange to begin with. If someone's words or actions "squeeze" anger out of you, anger will pour out, just like juice from an orange. No one can "make" you angry, they simply remind you of the anger that you hold in your heart. Kaun-tao

     

  • Meet in the middle...
  • Of the issue
  • Of the conflict
  • Of the bed

 

Read What Couples Should Talk About Every Day and Why Learning Communication Skills May Not Help Your Relationship

*Article updated by Marni Feuerman

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