If you or your spouse fall into negative patterns in the way you relate to one another, you are not just in a rut, you are hurting one another and your marriage. You can't compromise or negotiate these behaviors away. You can't rationalize the behaviors as this is "just the way I am." In order to save your marriage, these harmful behaviors must stop.
Emotionally and/or Physically Abusing Your Spouse
This should be a no-brainer, but you may think your control over your spouse's daily life or your negative responses to your spouse is okay.
It isn't. The day will come when your spouse will say "enough is enough" and your marriage will be over. If you are abusive in any way towards your spouse and children, seek counseling right away.
Breaking Your Promises and Being an Undependable Spouse
Who wants to live with someone who can't be depended on? The more promises you break, the more you say you will do something and then don't, the more you are late or not where you say you will be, the more your spouse will lose trust in you. It's important to keep your word.
One of the sure ways to drive your spouse away and to destroy your marriage is to show irrational jealousy or to spy on your spouse. If you can't admit to your jealous behavior or change your behavior, seek counseling.
Inability or Not Wanting to Forgive
Resentment over past hurts or betrayals will slowly eat away at your spouse's love for you and doom your marriage.
Not forgiving your spouse also harms your own health. Forgiveness doesn't mean you forget or that you condone the hurtful behavior. Don't let your stubbornness or wanting to get revenge cause the end of your marriage.
Putting Romance on the Back Burner
Although your lifestyle situation changes throughout the years, your need for love and affection does not lessen.
Talk about your expectations about affection, sex, and romance. Telling yourself that "someday" you will have the time to be romantic will hurt your marriage.
Playing the Blame Game
You are playing the blame game if you don't want to take responsibility for problems in your life. Blaming is a sign of insecurity and can poison your marriage. Instead of blaming one another, consider asking the question "Could we have handled this differently? If so, how?"
Continuing to Have Unrealistic Expectations
Disillusionment will grow as your expectations continue to be unfulfilled. Once you identify which expectations are based on marriage myths and are unrealistic, talk with one another about having achievable expectations.
Refusing to Listen to or Communicate With Your Spouse
Shutting your spouse out of your life by refusing to talk or to listen is a definite death knell for your marriage. It is so important for you both to share your thoughts and feelings with one another.
Being Unkind or Uncaring Towards Your Spouse
When a lack of caring and kindness or when selfishness creeps into your marriage, the slippery slope to divorce begins. Is it really all that difficult to say "please" or "thank you" to your spouse?
Just because the two of you are married doesn't mean you shouldn't be courteous to one another.