If the only topics of conversation between you and your spouse are the news, the weather, and your children, take time to really talk to one another on more personal, intimate topics. Discussion starters can give you more things to talk about and will help the two of you know one another more deeply. That's a key to making your relationship last.
You can set some typical dialogue questions about each other's daily experiences to start the conversation between the two of you.
- How do you feel about today?
- What made you feel good today?
- What did you learn today?
- Did you meet any new person or see someone you hadn't in a long while?
- What made you think differently today?
How Well Do You Know Your Spouse?
No matter how long you have been together, there are always more things to learn about one another. Try these questions:
- What do we as a couple want out of life?
- What do you think we'll be doing in 10 or 20 years?
- How would you describe yourself?
- How do you think I see you?
- What is your ideal way to spend a day off?
- What is your favorite childhood memory? Grade-school memory? High school memory?
- Has your view of God or religion changed since we married (or had kids)?
- What do you most admire about your parents and want to emulate? Your grandparents?
- What was the best date we ever had?
- What is your favorite sexual fantasy?
- What actor or actress should portray you in the story of your life?
You may even go back to a list of questions to ask each other before getting married. It is never too late to open the lines of communication about the really important issues. You may or may not have fully discussed the deal breaker issues before you got married—children, money, sex, religion, fidelity, abuse, addictions, chores, and in-laws.
Most of these need to reviewed regularly as views will change as a person matures and new factors, such as children, a new job, or moving to a new location, come into play.
Dreams and Plans
If you want to steer away from heavy questions, it can be both entertaining and enlightening to discuss dream scenarios:
- If you hadn't gone into your current profession (and salary wasn't a factor), what one would be ideal?
- If we got a windfall of $10,000, how would we spend it? What would we do with a prize of $100,000?
- What is your dream vacation?
- What three places on Earth would you most like to visit?
- Where is our ideal location for living?
- What kind of house or apartment would be ideal for us in the next five years? What would be best when we have an empty nest?
- What would your death-row last meal be? If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
- What five things would want to have when stranded on a deserted island?
- What three wishes would you ask for from a genie?
- What new hobby would you like to take up?
Keep the Dialogue Going
Having a dialogue means talking with each other, not at each other. Don't come up with excuses as to why you don't make time to talk with each other.
It is critical that you do make that time.
Although topics like the news, health issues, weather, chores, finances, and your kids are necessary and important to talk about, make sure that the two of you find ways to broaden your conversations to include more than just the practical aspects of your marriage and lives.