What happens when you find yourself in a relationship with someone who is married? In most every way, nothing good. The affair most likely happened unintentionally. You never wanted to be in this position, but now here you are.
Regardless of having a mutual (or one-sided) affair, being in love with someone married rarely works out in your favor in the end. In fact, it is more likely to bring on heartache and pain.
You probably know this intellectually, yet actually doing something to change it, is often a tough challenge. Falling out of love with someone married is probably harder to do than falling out of love with someone single.
Falling out of love with someone already married is harder because:
- You were showered with overly romantic gifts, given cards, and taken on dates. Married men, in particular, spend a considerable amount of money on the “mistress.” Sometimes this is straight out support or a “sugar daddy” type arrangement.
- In your everyday relationship with a single man or woman, relationships end because they run their course or because the other person behaves in a way that changes your opinion of them. With married people, you only see them at their best and for short periods of time. You don’t spend enough time together to get bored of the relationship. You are in a constant “honeymoon” phase. There is a regular flow of endorphins that are so hard to resist. Hence, there is no “normal” relationship course.
- Infidelity is frequently the reason given for someone ending a relationship. You have already accepted infidelity from your lover, which is generally considered one of the worst relationship “crimes.” It is unlikely that this person will do anything worse that will anger you enough to cause you to fall out of love. You have set the bar so low!
How do you fall out of love and move on with your life?
Get Another Relationship. The first best option is to fall in love with another person who is available. Why on earth should you be faithful to your lover? Even if you value faithfulness, the truth is that your lover is not true to you and you do not owe him or her any loyalty! Seek out and be open to other possibilities.
Get a Major Distraction. Have you been thinking of going back to school? Starting a new hobby? Traveling? It is time to do it now. You are wasting so much time on this person. You must stop putting your life on hold!
Up The Ante on the Expectations. If you do not ask for money, gifts or vacations, time to start asking. If you do generally ask, just ask for more. Your requests might begin to be met with irritation leading to a rift in the relationship.
Spend More Time Together. Push for more time with your married lover. You can even ask for extended periods of time together. You are only seeing your lover’s best side when you have brief visits. You may be surprised at what you see after spending prolonged amounts of time together. Let loose on those little things irritate you. Do not hold back when you find yourself disagreeing about something.
Stop avoiding the fights and arguing.
Let It All Hang Out. Let your bad side show as well. Just as your lover has likely only shown you his or her good side, you have probably done the same. Complain, demand, criticize and have expectations. In other words, act like this is a “normal” relationship.
More important than anything else is for you to love yourself. Perhaps a round of therapy to figure out why you are attracted to someone unavailable. You are worthy of love and to have someone who will be there for you both emotionally and physically.