Flirting With Your Spouse

Flirting with you spouse is good for you marriage

Photo: Lambada / iStockphoto
Photo: Lambada / iStockphoto

One of the things the two of you did when you first met and started dating was to flirt with one another. You were able to convey your intentions in a playful and romantic way through this flirting. Now that you are married, you should not stop flirting with your spouse. In fact, continue to be fluent flirters!

Why You Should Flirt With Your Spouse

  • to be playful
  • it's an ego booster for you both
  • to keep your marriage and spark alive
  • it's a positive way to communicate your love to each other.
  • it's a way to remind one another that you still find each other attractive
  • it's good for your children and grandchildren to notice your love for one another
  • it's something fun and natural

How to Flirt With Your Spouse

You should already know how to flirt with your spouse. But just in case you forgot, here are a few tips:

  • Flirting should be spontaneous. Don't flirt at the same time everyday.
  • Look into your spouse's eyes. You have to make eye contact to flirt.
  • Coy looks, a glance, a wink, a smile, a pat on your spouse's rear, lowering your eyes, an arched eyebrow -- these all say you are still interested in your spouse.
  • You can toss your head slightly, squeeze your spouse's hand or knee, place your hand in a light touch on your mate's shoulder or back, give a hug.
  • The tone of your voice, leaning toward your spouse when giving a compliment, or a peck on your spouse's neck can show you care.
  • You know what your "come-and-get-me stance" looks like. Give your spouse that look at an unpredictable time.
  • Other flirting cues are whispering, fidgeting with earrings, necklace, necktie, change in your pocket, sitting close together, shyly looking away, leaving a love note for your spouse to find.

Flirting With Others Could Cause Problems in Your Marriage

You should be aware that flirting with someone other than your spouse can create jealousy problems in your marriage.

The special gestures, glances, and expressions that make up your flirting technique should be reserved for your spouse.

Flirting with other people is playing with fire. It can undermine your marriage, make your spouse feel unappreciated, and show a lack of respect for your spouse and your marriage.  It might be offensive not only to your spouse but to the person you are flirting with. Responding with comments about how you were "just joking" or "playing around" or "it doesn't mean anything" or "it's just harmless teasing" probably won't lessen your spouse's sense of being offended.

What Others Say About Flirting with Your Spouse

"Flirt with your husband, imagine you are having an affair with him. Send him sexy text messages during the day." Diana Kirschner, Ph.D in "The Shocking State of Marriage: Survey Results." on PsychologyToday.com (2009).

"Flirt. Remember back to the early years of your relationship when you had pet names and compliments galore for your spouse. Recall how you'd dress up and make sure you were looking hot before you got together? What ever happened to those sweatpants-free days? Go back to what you were doing when things were hotter between you, even if you're not totally in the mood." Michele Weiner-Davis in "Our Harried Lives and Satisfying Sexual Lives - An Oxymoron?" on PsychologyToday.com (2008).

"It's gestures, stance, eye movement. Notice how you lean forward to the person you're talking to and tip up your heels? Notice the quick little eyebrow raise you make, the sidelong glance coupled with the weak smile you give, the slightly sustained gaze you offer? If you're a woman, do you feel your head tilting to the side a bit, exposing either your soft, sensuous neck or, looking at it another way, your jugular? If you're a guy, are you keeping your body in an open, come-on-attack-me position, arms positioned to draw the eye to your impressive lower abdomen? Scientists call all these little acts "contact-readiness" cues, because they indicate, nonverbally, that you're prepared for physical engagement ... One of the reasons we flirt in this way is that we can't help it. We're programmed to do it, whether by biology or culture." Belinda Luscombe in "The Science of Romance: Why We Flirt." on Time.com (2008).

"Flirting is much more than just a bit of fun: it is a universal and essential aspect of human interaction. Anthropological research shows that flirting is to be found, in some form, in all cultures and societies around the world. Flirting is a basic instinct, part of human nature ... According to some evolutionary psychologists, flirting may even be the foundation of civilization as we know it." Kate Fox in "SIRC Guide to Flirting." on Sirc.org.

With these tips, comments, and suggestions, give flirting a try with your spouse today! 

*Article Updated by Marni Feuerman

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