Some of the most common etiquette questions people ask involve funerals. It's not typically something most people enjoy discussing, but it's essential to know proper behavior at this somber time. The last thing anyone should do is offend the family members of the deceased, so it's best to learn funeral etiquette and follow it.
Here is one question that has come up since the advent of the camera feature of cell phones:
After the funeral of my friend's grandpa, I started seeing pictures of him lying in his casket all over social media. That doesn't seem right to me. What is the proper etiquette of posting pictures of dead people on the internet?
This is one of those situations that will shock many etiquette experts. Almost anyone who has been around a while would be appalled that someone would take a photo of a deceased man in his casket and then upload it to social media. Calling it rude is an understatement. It's a terrible thing to do. The person who did this obviously doesn't understand the nature of a funeral … or doesn't care.
There's been a trend of people taking photos and videos of everything they encounter throughout the day. Having a camera on your cell phone makes it so convenient that many people often don't think twice before whipping it out and snapping away. However, there are times when it's more appropriate to be in the moment rather than trying to immortalize it with pictures, and this is one of those times.
Taking an unplanned photo of the deceased with a cell phone is not acceptable.
Funeral Photography Guidelines
There are professional photographers who specialize in funerals, so it's best to leave all funeral related photography up to them. They have a strict code of ethics that include showing respect for the family members and not doing anything that might add pain to what the survivors are already experiencing.
If you see someone who has been contracted to photograph the funeral, put your camera away and let the person who knows what they're doing cover it. If there isn't someone professionally taking pictures, use extreme discretion before whipping out your camera or cell phone. If in doubt, don't do it.
Many people are against taking pictures at a funeral—at least in the room where the service is held. It seems disrespectful and crass, and it comes across as an invasion of privacy. The very thought of posting a picture of the deceased in a casket on social media is appalling and should never happen. However, there may be some circumstances when taking pictures might be okay.
Here are some tips on taking pictures at funerals:
- Never photograph anyone at a funeral without asking permission first. The best person to ask is the closest family member of the deceased.
- If you are asked or given permission to photograph anything at the funeral, don't use flash. The bright light would be too distracting during a somber time.
- Be as inconspicuous as possible.
- Never take a smiling selfie beside the casket.
- If you feel a powerful urge to take a picture with someone else who is attending the funeral, wait until after the service. It's best if you go outside or wait until you are in a different location so you don't disrupt the family and friends of those who are grieving.
- Don't post any photos of the deceased on any form of social media. Doing so is disrespectful and shows a lack of empathy toward the people who lost a loved one.
Case for Hiring a Professional Photographer
If you are the person arranging the funeral, you may want pictures for your memory book. If you can afford it, you might want to consider hiring a professional to cover it for you.
Here are some benefits of hiring a professional funeral photographer:
- You can get references from friends or the funeral home to make sure the photographer is right for the occasion.
- They have a code of ethics that they must follow.
- You can tell others to put their cameras and phones away because only the professional is allowed to take pictures. Although this might not work for everyone, most people will honor your wishes. It also decreases the chance of having someone post a picture on social media.
Even though there may be some value of hiring a professional photographer for a funeral, many people still prefer the rule of no pictures of the deceased lying in the casket. When someone you care about passes away, you may want to remember him or her during happier times.