Funny Grandma Quotes Make You Laugh and Think

Humorists from Ellen DeGeneres to Jeff Foxworthy Poke Fun at Grandmothers

humorous quotations about mothers and grandmothers
Grandmothers need to be able to laugh at themselves. Photo © amanaimagesRF | Getty Images

Humor and grandmas are natural go-togethers, so when we are the target of good-natured fun, we have to take it with a smile.

Funny Quotations From Comedians

Grandmothers are a frequent target of comedians and humorists. Here's what these funny people had to say about grandmothers. 

  • Rita Rudner, stand-up comedian
    "My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping."
  • Jean Kerr, author of Please Don't Eat the Daisies
    "When the grandmothers of today hear the word 'Chippendales,' they don't necessarily think of chairs."
  • Jeff Foxworthy, comedian and TV host
    "Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother -- you're not sure what you've got, but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it."
  • Henny Youngman, comedian known for one-liners
    "My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle."
  • Ellen DeGeneres, comedian and talk-show host
    "My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is."
  • Phyllis Diller, comedian
    "I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them."
  • Erma Bombeck, humorist
    "When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway."

    Funny Anonymous Quotations

    No one knows for sure who first came up with these lines. With the current state of the Internet, we may never know. We just know that we see them shared online, in greeting cards, in memes and in a thousand other ways. When they go viral, it's usually because they contain a lot of truth, but there may be more to the story.

    • "Mommy knows a lot, but Grandma knows everything."

    This may be true, but smart grandmothers defer to the parents. It's smart to do so because, believe it or not, the parents do get to make the decisions about their children. If you accept this from the very start, you'll be a very wise grandmother.

    • "Children are often spoiled because no one will spank Grandma."

    The idea that grandparents exist just to spoil their grandchildren is a very persistent one. In truth, grandparents don't have the right to spoil grandchildren, and many of them don't want spoiled grandchildren. There is, however, a good way to spoil

    • "What happens at Grandma's stays at Grandma's."

    I hope that if you post this sentiment somewhere, you realize that it's just a joke. It's very dangerous to encourage the grandchildren to keep secrets from their parents, even small secrets like extra treats and indulgences.