How Not to Feng Shui Your Bedroom

Gray and white light and airy bedroom.

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Very few bedrooms we have been in would be considered good feng shui bedrooms and actually conducive to a balanced and vibrant flow of love and sexual energy. Somehow the bedroom tends to be one of the most overlooked rooms in the house, while it is actually the most important room, feng shui-wise.

To make it easier to understand the main factors that create bad feng shui energy in the bedroom, this humorous, tongue-in-cheek feng shui how-to for your bedroom will help you quickly learn what not to do. Take this "advice" with a grain of salt and a wink!

  • 01 of 10

    Create a Home Office in Your Bedroom

    Dog sleeping on a bed in home office bedroom
    Eric Raptosh Photography/Getty

    Be especially mindful of having all surfaces overflowing with papers, folders, sticky notes, and unpaid bills. If you have any old computers that do not work, it is ideal to have them in your bedroom home office. You know, in case your current computer malfunctions and you will immediately need your old broken one.

  • 02 of 10

    Bring on Your Exercise Equipment

    Bedroom with exercise equipment
    Angela Wyant/Getty

    A treadmill in your bedroom will definitely energize your love life and bring serenity and sensual energy to your bedroom. What can be more zen than that? The bigger and bulkier your exercise equipment, the better, especially if it is covered with dust because you never really use it. Excellent feng shui.

  • 03 of 10

    Don't Forget a TV in Your Bedroom

    Woman watching TV in her bedroom
    ZenShui/Frederic Chirou

    Bring the TV into your bedroom. A big one placed very close to your bed.  The TV is an absolute must for a bad feng shui bedroom! Watch the news for at least 30 minutes every night right before you go to sleep and as soon as you wake up. 

  • 04 of 10

    Lots of Family Photos

    Family photo collage
    Chris Windsor/Getty

    Display a big collection of photos of all your friends and family, ideally from several generations, to "watch over your love life." After all, why would you need privacy in your bedroom? 

    Continue to 5 of 10 below.
  • 05 of 10

    Old Memorabilia From Exes

    Woman looking under a bed
    John Slater/Getty

    Store under your bed the old memorabilia from all your past relationships, especially the sad ones. Tuck all those important reminders really tight so there is no breathing room left under your bed, and then tuck some more.

  • 06 of 10

    Paint the Walls in Depressing Colors

    Young man in a beige bedroom
    Cultura RM\Philipp Nemenz

    Decorate your bedroom in depressing, sad colors. For a splash of color, get creative with your Halloween costumes and accessories here and there, or a touch of that special green from last year's St. Patrick's Day party. 

  • 07 of 10

    Have Dying Plants Scattered Around

    Dying plant in a pot
    Patrick Struttner/Getty

    Bring in all your dying plants, big and small, be it in chipped pots or yogurt containers. Your bedroom is the place to have them! Position the plants so that you can see them first thing when you wake up and the last thing before you go to sleep. Might be a bit of a competition here from either the TV, the computer(s) or the exercise equipment, but stay focused and do your best!

  • 08 of 10

    Revel in a Lack of Balance

    Grey and white bed
    Aylin Saglam/Getty

    Forget about two bedside tables, and have your bed against the wall. Gracefully place one cheerful Winnie the Pooh pillow on top of your bed. Position the pillow so that it faces the door and greets you every time you come in. Instant feng shui to boost your love life!

    Continue to 9 of 10 below.
  • 09 of 10

    Keep the Windows and Shades Closed

    Do not open the windows or let the natural light in! Keep the energy as stale as possible. After all, who says your personal energy is connected to the energy around you? Stop talking about energy. Far out, man!

  • 10 of 10

    Make a Choice

    A couple of Mandarin ducks is all you need to make you love life work, right?  Now if you just find the right place to display them, then your soulmate, along with the happily ever after, will be here in no time. No kidding. Really?

    Okay, so if this does not sound attractive to you (and we hope it doesn't!), learn some good feng shui tips for your bedroom.