If your husband is not interested in sex, apparently you are not alone according to author Michele Weiner-Davis. She coined term "sex starved wife" after the release of her book, The Sex Starved Wife: What to Do When He's Lost Desire. Out to bust the myth of men being more highly sexed than women, Davis wants women to realize they are not to blame and that they are not alone in not getting enough sex in their marriage.
She reportedly explains in the book the reasons men lose interest in sex and offers tools, methods, and advice on dealing with this issue.
Wives can feel quite bad about themselves if their husbands are not interested in sex. It can wreak havoc on their self-esteem and self-image. Like women who do not have sex with their husbands, women can feel just as hurt and rejected. It will put a big strain on the marriage and possibly lead to divorce.
This is a challenging problem in a marriage, but there may be some things you can do. It helps to have a spouse who is concerned about this as well and willing to explore potential solutions. The first step is a medical doctor to rule out an underlying medical condition. You will want to know any possible causes of his low sex drive. If not physical, perhaps there is a psychological reason. Regardless of the underlying cause, there are remedies available if your partner is motivated.
If this problem goes on too long, you may be susceptible to a sexless marriage. A sexless marriage is defined as a marriage with very little or no sexual activity between the two spouses. Estimates have this as about 2% of marriages. Marriages becomes sexless for a multitude of reasons. This may not be a problem if you are both okay with this.
More likely than not, at least one of you is quite unhappy with this situation. It can begin when as a couple you have significantly mismatched libidos. Some degree of mismatch is entirely normal in just about every couple. But, at times it is extreme and it can begin the slippery slope into no sex land. The next common reason is marital distress. From here, infidelity and/or divorce is a common outcome.
Like many problems that start in a marriage, the couple often waits very long to address it. This is a very bad idea. If you begin to see that sex is waning, have a meaningful heart-to-heart talk with your spouse. Express yourself with sensitivity, love and without blame. Suggest trying to tackle this problem together. There are many excellent resources out there for help with this situation: doctors, sex therapists, books, online articles and so on.
*Article updated by Marni Feuerman