Sex definitely does not have to get boring in a long-term marriage. As the years go by, your sex life should get better. You both know each other so well by now. What makes each other feel good, likes, dislikes, habits and so on.
But, we do know that life can get in the way. Chores, kids, finances and so on can put a damper on the romance. These everyday things can interfere with both our desire and finding the time to put into our sex life.
You do not want to put sex last on the list. Some of you may need some help figuring out how to both prioritize sex and keep it exciting.
Here are some ways to keep your marriage and sex life healthy and strong:
- Communication is the key to a healthy and active sex life in a marital relationship, so talk with one another more! Chatting about superficial things can be fun, but remember to go deeper in order to really establish intimacy. Be sure to talk about your innermost thoughts and feelings. Do so frequently!
- Share with one another your sexual desires. Be open and honest about what you want. You do not have to use this time to be critical of your partner. Just assert what you want more of in the bedroom and what makes you feel goo.
- Talk with one another about your expectations concerning lovemaking. False or unmet expectations can hurt your marriage. If your expectations are not being met by your spouse, communicate this tactfully and sensitively.
- Sexual intimacy is a continuing process of discovery. True intimacy through communication is what makes sex great.
- Sex in a long lasting relationship can deepen and become a richer experience. No matter how many times you have made love to each other, the wonder and awe of mutual attraction can still be there.
- When life becomes busy, and schedules are hectic, plan for sexual encounters with one another. Some people may find this undesirable, but it all depends on how you look at it. You can make this just as exciting as spontaneous sex. Flirting throughout the day or specifying a "date for sex" can build anticipation. To make sex one of your main priorities means it may need to be scheduled.
- Try to set the mood in advance. If you want to have good sex at night, start the foreplay in the morning.
- Let your spouse know you care and are thinking about him/her throughout the day by notes, e-mails, texts, phone calls, hugs, etc.
- Don't expect your spouse to be the only one in your marriage who is responsible for romance. You both need to take responsibility for having an intimate and successful marriage.
- Hold hands and show affection more often. Women particularly need to feel loved and connected in order have desire for sex.
- Make time for date nights and other novel activities together,
- Be open to trying new things!
A few extra tips:
- Being grouchy or ignoring your spouse all during the day hurts your chances of having a positive lovemaking experience that evening.
- Remember that sex is not going to be perfect each time. Do not compare your sex life to the ones you see in movies or on television.
- Recognize that abstinence now and then can be beneficial to your relationship if you start to lust after one another more. It is about quality before quantity!
- Take good care of yourself. Do not let yourself go or fail to manage your health or physical appearance.
What your marriage needs to have a healthy sex life:
- Productive and meaningful communication
- Love for each other
- Physical attraction
- Willingness to make time for each other
- Date nights, fun and playfulness
- Acceptance of each other's flaws and quirks
There is no reason why you can't have an active and healthy sex life for many, many years!
*Article updated by Marni Feuerman
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