Low libido means a decrease in sex drive that leads to a decrease in sexual activity. It can be a cause for concern when it happens in your marriage. This can come from a variety of causes. Most commonly, male low libido is a result of medication side effects, physical or mental illness, stress, aging, and hormonal problems (most often, low testosterone).
Possible Remedies for Low Sex Drive
If your partner is suffering from a low sex drive:
- Accept that you can't change your husband. You can only change your response to the situation.
- Try to convince your husband to see a physician. He will need a medical work up to determine the root cause of the problem so that an appropriate treatment plan can be developed.
- If you are the "family chef," cook healthy foods and watch your husband's intake of carbohydrates, sodium and fatty foods.
- Do not blame yourself for your husband's low libido. It has nothing to do with the way you look, or how much you weigh, or your sexual performance, etc.
- Talk gently with your husband about your sexual desire and concerns. Have this conversation outside of your bedroom in a non-threatening way.
- Work with your husband to create time alone together. Make this a priority.
- Do something for yourself. Start taking care of yourself and find ways to make yourself happy.
- Remember how wonderful you are. Your husbands issues may have absolutely nothing to do with you. They are his issues along. You do not have to own them or be solely responsible for solving them. Give them back to him and make yourself healthy.
- Do not expect immediate results. It is great if you are making efforts to fix this problem, but give it time and be patient.
If you are suffering from a low sex drive:
- Eat healthy foods such as fruits and vegetables and watch your fat, sodium and carbohydrate content. Research foods, drinks and natural remedies that boost libido naturally too!
- Get enough sleep -- seven or eight hours per night.
- Exercise. Working out has so many great benefits, including the boosting of feel good chemicals in your brain.
- Stop smoking.
- If you drink, make sure it is in moderation.
- Consult a physician. Your loss of libido may be a symptom of a serious medical condition. Ask for a full work up with any tests that might provide answers. Now is not the time to be shy or embarrassed about this issue. Your doctor can only help you with the proper information.
- Seek professional psychotherapy to deal with your depression, inability to handle stress, unresolved conflicts and/or anger issues. If you take and honest inventory and think that the problem is really with you, it is best to address it with a helping professional.
- Viagra and similar drugs probably won't help. These drugs are for erectile dysfunction, not for sexual desire or libido. The underlying problem needs to be addressed first.
- Talk with your partner about your sexual desire and concerns. Have this conversation outside of your bedroom. Let her know that it isn't her fault.
- Work with your wife so that your time together is a priority and that you have more time together alone.
- Do not expect immediate results.
- If the problem is centered around your sexual orientation and your are gay or bisexual, be honest about this with your spouse. A therapist is likely to be very helpful in this circumstance.
If Your Husband Has No Motivation or Refuses Help With Low Libido
Unless there is a medical reason, most individuals have some sexual desire. If your husband refuses to get professional help or refuses to work on this issue with you, he is being irresponsible and insensitive. Unfortunately, he is sending the message that he is not interested in saving your marriage.
*Article updated by Marni Feuerman