Questions Engaged Couples Should Discuss Before Marriage

  • 01 of 10

    Discuss These Issues Before Walking Down the Aisle

    Photo: Riko Pictures / Getty Images
    Photo: Riko Pictures / Getty Images

    Many marriage education experts and therapists caution that when couples believe in the myths of "happily-ever-after" or "love conquers all," problems in the marital relationship may surface within a short time after the wedding. The success or failure of your marital relationship may hinge on how well you deal with issues such as finances, sexuality, communication, conflict, parenting, in-laws, leisure time, family of origin, spirituality, expectations, and chores. Even though...MORE you may be very busy with wedding preparations, it is critical that you make time to prepare for your life time together by exploring your relationship in more depth.

    Communication, along with a willingness to grow closer together, even when the topic is difficult, is one of the keys to a successful marriage.

    You can find this list of questions on one page to make printing them easier.

    General Questions
    Family of Origin Questions
    Self Image Questions
    Time and Chores Questions
    Money Questions
    Parenting Questions
    Spirituality and Religion Questions
    Sex Questions
    Conflict Questions

    Your personality traits, temperament and "attachment style" will all  play a role in the success for your relationship.  

    Continue to 2 of 10 below.
  • 02 of 10

    General Issues to Talk About Before You are Married

    Photo: Nick Koudis / Getty Images
    Photo: Nick Koudis / Getty Images
    • Why are we getting married? Pregnancy, financial security, loneliness or wanting to get out of the family home are not valid reasons to get married.
    • What do we as a couple want out of life?
    • What do you think we will be doing in thirty or forty years?
    • How often do you drink?
    • Have you ever hit someone?
    • Do you think it is important to be faithful to one another?
    • Do you have a criminal record?
    • Are you willing to replace the toilet tissue roll?
    General Questions
    Family of Origin Questions
    Self Image Questions
    Ti...MOREme and Chores Questions
    Money Questions
    Parenting Questions
    Spirituality and Religion Questions
    Sex Questions
    Conflict Questions
    Continue to 3 of 10 below.
  • 03 of 10

    Family of Origin Issues to Talk About Before You are Married

    Photo: Koichi Kamoshida / Getty Images
    Photo: Koichi Kamoshida / Getty Images
    • What was your childhood like?
    • Was your family an affectionate one?
    • Do you think we will have problems with your family during the holidays?
    • What values do you want to bring from your family into our marriage?
    • What do you like and dislike about your family?
    • what do you like and dislike about my family?
    • What do you like and dislike about your parents' marriage?
    • What do you like and dislike about my parents' marriage?

    More on Family of Origin Issues

    General Questions
    Family of Origin Questions
    Self Image...MORE Questions
    Time and Chores Questions
    Money Questions
    Parenting Questions
    Spirituality and Religion Questions
    Sex Questions
    Conflict Questions

    If you experienced dysfunction in your family of origin, read how this might be impact your marriage.  

    Continue to 4 of 10 below.
  • 04 of 10

    Self Image Issues to Talk About Before You are Married

    Photo: John Slater / Getty Images
    Photo: John Slater / Getty Images
    • How would you describe yourself?
    • How do you think I see you?
    • Am I a jealous person?
    • Do I have trust issues or feel insecure?
    • How important is affirmation to me?
    • Do I handle compliments well?
    • What is your love language?
    • Do you think we listen to one another well?
    • Do you think it is important to know one another's physical and mental health histories?
    • How important do you think self care is?
    General Questions
    Family of Origin Questions
    Self Image Questions
    Time and Chores Questions
    Money Questions
    Parenting...MORE Questions
    Spirituality and Religion Questions
    Sex Questions
    Conflict Questions
    Continue to 5 of 10 below.
  • 05 of 10

    Time and Chores Issues to Talk About Before You are Married

    Photo: Andersen Ross / Getty Images
    Photo: Andersen Ross / Getty Images
    • Will you clean the toilet?
    • How are we going to divide up the household chores?
    • What are your expectations about how we will spend our free time?
    • How do you want to spend our days off?
    • Do you believe that we should be doing everything together?
    • Can we each pursue our own interests?
    • Do you need or want time alone?
    • How would you feel if I want a night out with my friends now and then?
    • How will we make sure we have quality time together?
    • How much time will we spend with our in-laws?

    More on Handling Household...MORE Chores Together

    More on Time Management Issues

     

    General Questions
    Family of Origin Questions
    Self Image Questions
    Time and Chores Questions
    Money Questions
    Parenting Questions
    Spirituality and Religion Questions
    Sex Questions
    Conflict Questions
    Continue to 6 of 10 below.
  • 06 of 10

    Money Issues to Talk About Before You are Married

    Photo: Richard Drury / Getty Images
    Photo: Richard Drury / Getty Images
    • Can we talk about money?
    • How do you feel about having a prenuptial agreement?
    • Are you a saver or spender when it comes to money?
    • Do you want to have a budget?
    • Should we have a joint checking account or separate accounts or both?
    • Who is going to be responsible for making sure that bills are paid on time?
    • Do you consider going to the movies and having a vacation every year a necessity or a luxury?
    • How much do we owe in debts and what are our assets?
    • Where does our money go?
    • What are our financial goals?
    • Do...MORE you have any outstanding fines or debts?
    • What are our future plans for purchasing a home?
    • Do we both know where our important financial documents are located?

    More on Money Issues

    General Questions
    Family of Origin Questions
    Self Image Questions
    Time and Chores Questions
    Money Questions
    Parenting Questions
    Spirituality and Religion Questions
    Sex Questions
    Conflict Questions
    Continue to 7 of 10 below.
  • 07 of 10

    Parenting Issues to Talk About Before You are Married

    Photo: Nola Balch
    Photo: Nola Balch
    • Do you want to have children?
    • Do we want to have children?
    • If we decide we do, how many children do you want to have?
    • How long should we be married before having children?
    • What kind of parent do you think you will be?
    • What is your parenting philosophy?
    • Will one of us stay home after we have children?
    • What type of birth control should we use if we want to postpone or prevent parenthood?
    • How do you feel about adoption?
    • Do you have any children already?

    More on Parenting Issues

    General Questions
    Family of...MORE Origin Questions
    Self Image Questions
    Time and Chores Questions
    Money Questions
    Parenting Questions
    Spirituality and Religion Questions
    Sex Questions
    Conflict Questions
    Continue to 8 of 10 below.
  • 08 of 10

    Spirituality and Religious Issues to Talk About Before You are Married

    Photo © Bob Stritof
    Photo © Bob Stritof
    • Does religion play an important part in your life?
    • Do you think faith and spirituality are important in a marriage?
    • What is your image of God?
    • What religion will re raise our children?

    More on Religious Issues

    General Questions
    Family of Origin Questions
    Self Image Questions
    Time and Chores Questions
    Money Questions
    Parenting Questions
    Spirituality and Religion Questions
    Sex Questions
    Conflict Questions
    Continue to 9 of 10 below.
  • 09 of 10

    Sexual Issues to Talk About Before You are Married

    Love
    Photo: Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
    • Can we talk about sex?
    • Should we talk about sex?
    • Are you comfortable discussing your sexual likes and dislikes?
    • What are your expectations of our sexual relationship?
    • What is your definition of "cheating?"

    More on Sexual Issues

    General Questions
    Family of Origin Questions
    Self Image Questions
    Time and Chores Questions
    Money Questions
    Parenting Questions
    Spirituality and Religion Questions
    Sex Questions
    Conflict Questions
    Continue to 10 of 10 below.
  • 10 of 10

    Conflict Issues to Talk About Before You are Married

    Photo: Peter Mason / Getty Images
    Photo: Peter Mason / Getty Images
    • How will we make decisions together?
    • Are we both willing to face into difficult areas or do we try to avoid conflict?
    • Do you think we have problems in our relationship that we need to deal with before our wedding?
    • Do we handle conflict well?
    • How are we different?
    • Do you think our differences will create problems in our marriage?
    • Do you expect or want me to change?
    • Can we both forgive?
    • Are we both willing to work on our communication skills and to share intimately with each other?
    • Will we seek...MORE professional help if we can't seem to get a handle on things?

    Conflict and Anger Issues

    General Questions
    Family of Origin Questions
    Self Image Questions
    Time and Chores Questions
    Money Questions
    Parenting Questions
    Spirituality and Religion Questions
    Sex Questions
    Conflict Questions

     

    Article updated by Marni Feuerman

    For further reading on this topic, purchase from Amazon: Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married by Gary Chapman or 1001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married by Monica Mendez Leahy