How to Enhance the Relationship Between You and Your Daycare Provider

If you're thinking of leaving your daycare read this advice first.

It can be a tough decision to stay at daycare or go. kristian sekulic/Vetta/GettyImages

Conflict with your child’s daycare can greet you with a surge of emotions. 

Sorting through them takes time, energy, and courage.  We feel a lack of time because our schedule is set and didn’t account for an emotional upheaval.  We feel a lack of Mommy Energy because the thought of starting the search process again is exhausting.  We feel a lack of courage because we know change is about to come and this brings up fear of the unknown.

How can you move on pass this upsetting time and maybe even choose a new daycare?  Get clear about your emotions then plan steps to move forward.  Here are 4 steps to help you leave your child care and find a better fit.

Become clear on what the current problem(s) are

Usually there are a few incidents that made you feel a negative emotion.  Write down a list.  Be sure to leave the latest incident for last because it’s the freshest in your mind and was your breaking point.

Why did your list of incidents make you unhappy

Here are a few questions to help clarify things: 

  1. Did your provider make a decision that went against your values both personally and/or as a parent? 
  2. What is your Mother’s Intuition telling you? 
  3. Did you misjudge a person or business?  How so? 

Making this kind of list moves you past the incident and into how it made you feel, which in essence is the root cause of the problem.

Decide if you can can forgive and forget.

Before moving forward it’s best to avoid bringing negative emotions with you on your new search.

  You’ve wrote down what was wrong with your child’s care and why it made you unhappy.  Now it’s time to forgive.  You don’t have to tell them they are forgiven but try to find room in your heart to forgive them.  No one is perfect.  We all make mistakes.  They are not you.  Unfortunately, we can’t control others.

  The past is in the past and that’s where it’ll stay no matter how many times you replay an incident.  You can reserve your Mommy Energy by moving past the past and moving into the present.  You shouldn't forgive them and stay, but you can forgive them then go.

Move on and take action!

One good thing about this incident is that you have discovered more important qualities you need in your child’s care.  Create a short job description for your next provider by turning around the “what they did wrong” step into what the next provider should do right.  List your needs first then your wants.

I felt my biggest challenge with changing daycare was actually making the decision to leave. 

I could convince myself that my intuition was off and that the kids were fine!  There were hundreds of other parents who trusted them so I should, too! 

I believe that what it came down to for me was fear of the change and mommy guilt.  Thoughts like, could I really find a better place would pop into my head, or will the kids transition well?  But the biggest show stopper for me was facing guilt over not staying home with my kids.  I learned that mommy guilt was something I could choose to feel.  I knew how important it was for me to work both personally and professionally, but it also helped that I wrote down my reasons why.

  This helped me work through the process of moving on to a better provider.

It all comes down to trust.  Once you lose just a small bit of trust with your provider it’s really hard to gain that back (believe me I’ve tried).  It also takes trusting in your Mother’s Intuition.  Your brain can make it’s case all it wants, but nothing can stop your gut from telling you that something just isn’t right.  Trust your gut.