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The Top 10 Worst Reasons to Get Married
Couples tie the knot for many different reasons, but sometimes what they think is sound judgment is really just a giant mistake. If you're having cold feet - or watching a friend make a giant mistake - know that there are good reasons to cancel a wedding. Here are the top 10 worst reasons for getting married.Continue to 2 of 11 below.
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Worst Reason to Get Married #1: To Have a Dream Wedding
Don't get me wrong – I think a wedding is an amazing, beautiful thing that can strengthen your relationship and improve your life. But there's also a lot of hype around weddings that can make you really want one, even if you're not ready, or your sweetheart isn't marriage material. From the hyperbolic rhetoric around "the best day of your life" to the shiny pictures in magazines, it's easy to be swept away by the fantasy of a wedding day.
I once met a woman who carried in her wallet pictures of her dream wedding dress, cake, and venue. One small problem – she didn't have a groom. She wasn't even dating anyone. I feel sorry for her future boyfriend; imagine the pressure!
It might seem strange for a weddings website to give you this advice. But the truth is, your wedding is just one day, and marriage is for the rest of your life. You can still have that dream wedding when you are truly ready for it.
By not rushing your wedding, you can have a longer, and more special engagement that will help prepare you for a long and special marriage.Continue to 3 of 11 below.
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Worst Reason to Get Married #2: To Get Presents
Many brides and grooms eagerly look forward to the bevy of loot that awaits them when they get married. Yet wedding presents aren't reason enough to get married. Usually, you'll spend more money on a wedding than you would have on just buying yourself the appliances, towels, and china you're dreaming of. And what no one tells you is that a wedding may be expensive, but divorce is also expensive and a lot less fun.
So make sure that your beloved is really who you want to be sharing those towels with for the rest of your life.Continue to 4 of 11 below.
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Worst Reason to Get Married #3: Loneliness
Being lonely is hard, and many people are afraid of being alone. When you get to a certain age, it might seem like a person is your "last good option." But you will meet other people to love, and if you settle, you might miss out on someone really amazing later on.
Remember, there are plenty of powerful, successful people who have never married - Oprah, Condoleezza Rice, Bill Maher, and Al Pacino, to name just a few. A wedding is a great way to build on an already successful relationship, and it can be a transformative, self-esteem-building experience, but it's not the secret to a happy life.Continue to 5 of 11 below.
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Worst Reason to Get Married #4: You Got Pressured
Even worse is when your partner issues an ultimatum: "Either we get married, or we break up. " Though sometimes a person needs a strong nudge to get them over their fears, it can lead to ignoring gut instincts and having to cancel the wedding later on.
Yet if you really love someone, you owe it to him or her to be honest. It's hard and painful, but it's a lot easier than living a lie or having to say that you never wanted to get married.
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Worst Reason to Get Married #5: Your Friends Are All Getting Married
You might feel left out if it seems like everyone but you is headed to the altar. It's nice to go through life's milestones on the same track as your friends. Yet it's always better to be the last of your friends to get married than the first one to get divorced. Bonus: If you wait, they'll have better wedding advice, and more time to help you with yours.Continue to 7 of 11 below.
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Worst Reason to Get Married #6: Your Ex is Engaged
Oooooh there is a sick, delicious joy in telling an ex that you've found someone better. When an ex is engaged, it might feel like the shoe is on the other foot. But spite doesn't feed a relationship, and there are many better ways to make an ex realize that you are the one who got away.Continue to 8 of 11 below.
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Worst Reason to Get Married #7: Sex
If your religion asks you to wait until marriage, you might want to rush the wedding. Sure, it's hard to wait and not know what you're missing, but sex is just one way that you can make each other feel good. Give each other massages, have marathon makeout sessions, express your love in different ways.
But make sure it isn't just lust pushing you down the aisle. Most religions that ask you to wait, also frown on divorce.
When you are ready, read some wedding night sex tips to make sure it's worth the wait.
Continue to 9 of 11 below.
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Worst Reason to Get Married #8: Kids
Some people get married only because they're pregnant. Others want kids so badly that they get married to someone who isn't really right for them. Both mistakes are based on the false idea that you can only have kids after you are married.
There are studies from scientists and researchers on both sides of this issue arguing whether it's better for children to grow up with married parents or single parents. Yet what's indisputable is that there always have been single parents who have figured it out and made it work.
If you or your girlfriend is pregnant, you might face extra pressure from your family to tie the knot. Please realize that there are many different options available to you, including having the child together but not getting married, raising the child alone, putting the baby up for adoption, and ending the pregnancy.
If you want to get married because you're ready to start a family, but your sweetheart isn't the right person to marry, they probably won't be the right person to co-parent with either. The ticking of a biological clock or a pregnancy can be a powerful motivator, but shouldn’t land you in a loveless marriage.Continue to 10 of 11 below.
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Worst Reason to Get Married #9: Money
Marrying for money is a tired cliché unless you're watching How to Marry a Millionaire with Marilyn Monroe and Lauren Bacall. Money can make life easier, but it can also make life more complicated, and it's never as valuable as being loved.
Remember, when you get legally married, you take on a person's debt along with their assets. Some people aren't as rich as they seem. Even if you have found someone who is truly wealthy, it might create a power imbalance that will prevent you from having a happy life together. Make sure that love is the main reason you're getting married, not money.Continue to 11 of 11 below.
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Worst Reason to Get Married #10: Your Parents Are Giving You Guilt
Parents can be pretty good at sending their kids on all-expenses paid guilt trips. You might have heard a speech that begins, "I just want to see you get married before I die. Is that too much to ask?" Or perhaps you've heard the speech, "I'm the only one of my friends without grandchildren. When are you going to settle down, marry, and have kids? It's not right to deprive me of happiness at the end of my life." Even the simple question of, "When are you getting married?" can become a guilt trip if asked enough times in the right way.
Regardless of what form it takes, guilt is a terrible reason to get married. You need to live your life and do the best thing for you. Besides, if you give in to this kind of parent, they'll only find new subjects for guilt trips.