Cheating, or infidelity, is one of the more challenging problems that can come up in a marriage. In most cases, even when you confront your partner with accusations of cheating, it will be denied or you will be made to feel like the "crazy one." Unless you have hard evidence or irrefutable proof, most will not admit it! There are many behaviors that are indicative of an affair. However, it is quite possible that your spouse could have these behaviors and not actually be having an affair.
"Nonverbal clues to lying can be difficult to spot and vary from individual to individual. The bottom line: If you think your spouse is lying, ask questions and ask for clarification if necessary. Trust your own intuition or that funny feeling you may feel inside."
There are many signs that are more obvious. For example, going outside to talk on the phone a lot, clearing the internet history on the computer, not being where the GPS says he or she is and so on. Sometimes it isn't one obvious thing, but numerous behaviors in totality that raise your infidelity radar.
Here are some warning signs that a spouse may be cheating on you:
- Your spouse seems bored. Bored with you, with job, with kids, with hobbies, with life in general
- Your spouse seems to want danger or thrills in his/her life
- There is considerably less intimacy or connection in your relationship.
- Your sex life is practically non-existent
- Or, there are lot's of new things introduced into sex that were never before
- Your spouse has a low self-esteem
- Your spouse doesn't show any jealousy about you, no matter what you say
- You notice your spouse has a sense of confusion about him or her self
- Your spouse has become lazy, especially around the house
- Your spouse is more negative
- Your spouse becomes more critical of you
- Your spouse seems to be picking fights more often
- You can't get your spouse to communicate with you (stonewalling)
- Your spouse gets very defensive if you mention infidelity or affairs
- Your spouse is suddenly more attentive than usual
- Your mate is working longer hours at work
- Your spouse is dressing nicer, looking nicer or there is a sudden interest in appearance
- You notice charges on credit card statement that don't make sense
- You are aware of different scents of cologne or aftershave lotion on your spouse's clothes
- Your spouse is indifferent to family events like birthdays and holidays
- You find your partner has been lying to you about a variety of things
- Money becomes more of an issue between the two of you
- The words "I love you" are not spoken by your spouse any longer
- He/she doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything with you anymore
- You can't even get your mate to fight with you
- You feel as if you are being avoided
- Your partner abandons religious faith
- Your spouse seems more secretive
- You discover lipstick smudge on shirt
- You learn that you have an STD and you have not strayed
- When you ask for reassurance about cheating, you do not feel satisfied with the response
There is a good chance that your intuition is sensing that unfaithfulness, whether it is physical or emotional, is possibly going on. You should be especially concerned if your gut feelings are not normally like you. If you keep getting denial and "push-back" when trying to discuss your concerns with your partner, you may need to get professional help to sort through this. Or, it is time to get that hard evidence!
Article updated by Marni Feuerman.